Grief… we have lost so many things. Many people today are talking about the loss of our freedoms and working opportunities. Loss of financial options. Loss of trust in the government, the banking system, the schools, etc.
And while loss is loss no matter how we cut it, those of us that lose loved ones suffer the most. And as the first anniversary of my father’s passing looms in the next week, I found myself getting more angry, depressed and tearful.
At first, I didn’t know what to do.
I thought I was past it.
I have tried so hard to be positive, to look at the loss directly by blogging and writing my upcoming books on living fully while avoiding death…
Yesterday, it came to me. My tears are something to be grateful for.
Not just because I believe that life intends for us to become more loving, understanding and have more gratitude. Tears themselves are telling me about me, the “me” I rarely look at. The “me” that was created before I really had words or the ability to think logically about the world around me. Tears were my infantile method of releasing stress. Thank God for releasing stress!
But as an adult, tears can create stress. Tears are embarrassing. Others want to help and they can bring me a glass of water, cup of tea or coffee. They can give me a shoulder to cry on. They can reassure me that everything is going to be all right. But still the tears flow.
And letting the tears flow yesterday, I remembered what I learned and recorded in this blog some months ago. It’s what to do when life gets hard. It’s Be GReaT. (BGRT.)
In those posts, I shared what I was doing to live through a crisis. The crisis became more manageable with four simple steps. 1. Breathing to center into my body and allow it to relax. 2. Giving thanks and/or service to others who are in pain. 3. Reflecting on the upcoming lessons and gifts that always follow a trial. 4. Treating the problem with precise tools once identified.
But first, one might have to deal with tears. You see, this infant whose tears are flowing out of an adult’s face needs to know there is a way past the tears. In my infancy, it might have been a sweet treat, a bottle or breast, a funny face Dad made, a kiss on the sore spot, or a loving affirmation.
It’s no different today. That child inside can still hurt and feel tremendous loss. I want to recognize that child’s pain, frustration or fear of abandonment. I want to let it cry to relieve the stress. Then I offer a plan. He can Be GReaT. He can Breathe and relax. He can reach out to Give, taking the focus off of his anguish. He can Reflect on what’s coming next- it’s going to be great. Then, with adult skills, he can Treat the problem like an empowered adult. One step at a time, but he will get there and he will be great.